My Only Fear

Truth be told, I have only one fear in this life: that my children might lose sight of who they are. I'm not afraid of sickness, germs, or even death. I'm not afraid they'll make bad decisions or injure themselves in one way or another.  Because all of those things are bound to happen at one point or another and there is absolutely nothing I can do about it. But losing sight of their identity does not have to be an inevitability. And I can do everything about it.

I can help them to know deep down in their souls that they are not their bad behavior. They simply made a bad choice. They are not someone's opinion of them. They are beautiful, strong and uniquely crafted individuals. They are not worthless. They are so incredibly worthy. {Jesus died for them!!} They are not lost or hopeless, for there is nothing too dirty and no crime unforgivable. They are not shameful, disgraceful or judged. They are free, redeemed and loved beyond imagination.

They are loved beyond imagination!! 

In the sobering reflection that follows the loss of a beautiful life cut short by its own will, my heart breaks to know that so many people believe the lies that others have spoken over them. That their perception of reality has so far strayed from actual reality that it is incomprehensible to anyone close to them. That they have let the opinions of others tell them who they are and that they hate this person others have created them to be. That they have lost sight of who they are. They have lost sight of their identity.

But I have the opportunity to foster my children's identities. To steward their identities. It's something I need to remind myself of daily, because in the moment of bad behavior it is so easy to equate the behavior with the child. {I wish I could take back the times I've told Burke he was a bad boy...} The truth is that he is a good boy who made a bad choice and the consequence must flow from that reality. His heart is so sweet and loving. He has such a generous and precious spirit. He is gentle and thoughtful. And these are the things I speak over him daily so that one day, if confronted with a contradictory perception, he'll know the truth about himself. He'll know who he is. His actions are a reflection of his perception of himself. So if he believes that he is loved, gentle and kind then he will act  in those ways. But if he believes that he is unloved and hopeless, then he will embark on a destructive path. So I pray that he'll be able to remove the lenses of contradictory perception that try to distort his view and leave him feeling hopeless and unloved. Because nothing scares me more than imagining my child believing the lie that he or she is alone, unloved, unworthy.

So I pray every day that I will be love to my children. To everyone around me. That I will speak identity and life over them and not death. I pray that they always know who they are. That they are loved beyond imagination.

Musings

When I used to watch TV, I saw a commercial for one computer or computer system {you know...like the Windows 7 commercials or something} in which a dad wrote emails to his baby girl throughout her life. And I thought, I need to do that for my babies!

So when Burke was born, I created a Gmail account for him and Ben and I have been emailing him periodically over the past seventeen months. {When we remember} we send him pictures and silly videos of himself that we capture on our iPhones. Sometimes I'll email him a blog post I've written if it's specifically pertaining to his cuteness or how much I adore him. And other times, like today, I just sit down and write to him.

And I tell him how he's on my heart. I tell him that, even though he has no idea how our life will change in just a few weeks with the addition of another family member, he will always be my baby. My love. And that even though he'll never remember being an only child and having our 100% undivided attention, I feel a little sad for him as though he might somehow miss this. Even though I know it's not true. And I assure him that no matter how old he is, no matter if he's married or not, no matter what he's done, doing or will do...there is no where he can run to escape my love. And there is nothing he can do to make me love him any less.

My love for him is fierce. And I hope that he doesn't have to wait to read these emails someday to find out about the depth of my love for him. My desire is that when he does end up reading these emails, he can confidently say that he knows my words are true because I modeled them throughout his sweet life. And so these emails also remind me to continue my journey of intentionality. And to make sure that my love isn't just some words in an email but that my love is a part of who he is. So that like his identity, he knows that my love for him can never be separated from who he is or what he's done.

Do you email your babies? What do you do to preserve memories?

Fully Present

photo courtesy of Ken Bruggeman Photography

 I remember when I first discovered Pinterest. I was instantly hooked, and I remember wondering when I would ever have time to actually make and do all those things I was pinning. Blogging and Facebook have the same allure. My iPhone makes it so easy to check email, Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and all those other things that "keep me connected" to the outside world. But I came to a point where I realized that these things were interfering from my ability to be fully present with my family. I would be "playing" with Burke while flipping through my Facebook news feed or "listening" to Ben while pinning. And I hated the fact that I felt so compelled to be present for an outside world and people I hardly knew while the people that I love so much got only my distracted and disingenuous presence.

Knowing that I want to be fully present for my family, friends and anyone else who has my ear for a moment, I have made a few changes. Set a few ground rules. Here are some examples of the ways in which I make sure to give all of my presence to those who mean the most to me:

~ Take time to have meals together. We always begin our day by sitting down together for breakfast. Before Burke {our new alarm clock}, that meant that I had to wake up earlier than necessary in order to make it all happen since Ben had to be out the door before me. But beginning our day as a family is worth the early wake up call. While lunch doesn't always happen at the same time for everyone, we always sit down for dinner as a family as well. With a toddler who goes to bed at 7, this means that Ben and I eat an early dinner, but again, this quality time is worth any inconvenience.

~ No phones/devices at the dinner table. Sure, every now and again the phone rings during our meal and one of us will answer it. But as a general rule, we try to avoid making calls, checking email, Facebook or any other smartphone trap during this time together.

~ No phones/devices in the car {except for long trips, in which case occasional iPhone checking is acceptable}. We use car rides as opportunities to catch up, share what's on our hearts and minds, and {mostly} entertain Burke. The kid lights up when you drill him on animal sounds and loves to "sing songs" of his own. It's really the sweetest thing! Usually, the only music playing in our car is what we're singing--we have great renditions of "This Land is Your Land" and "The Itsy Bitsy Spider" complete with harmony and gestures. However, if we sing ourselves dry, we do have some backup tunes from groups such as Lynyrd  Skynyrd, James Taylor, Jackson Browne and the like. One day, Burke will be old enough to choose his listening preferences, but until then, at least he'll get some culture!

~ Take time for play time. Instead of only halfheartedly playing with Burke, while trying to do one of ten other things at the same time, I have made concentrated efforts to take some play breaks throughout the day and focus on being fully present with him during those times. Sure he needs to learn independent play {and he's really great for being an only child} and sure I need to get things done {I mean, he'll be very unpleasant if there are no "nacks" for him to eat at dinnertime}. So with that in mind, I try to take time out from my tasks to spend just with him. To let him know that he's important. And that he can trust me to be present when he needs me.

Since I have made it my priority to give my full presence to my family, I have found such happiness and freedom in our interactions. I no longer feel pulled between two worlds. I have made the decision to be fully with them and I love picking up on all those details, intricacies and expressions that I would otherwise miss. It has added profound richness to my relationships and I wouldn't change it for the world!

What are some of the ways that you make time to be fully present with your family or friends? What are some family activities or traditions that are important to you?