Saturday, December 22, 2012

Born to Love

 In just a few short days {or any second now} my sweet baby boy will become a big brother. At almost 19 months, he "knows" there is a baby in Mommy's belly and will often give it kisses. But what he doesn't know is what that really means. He has no idea how this baby will change his life. And neither do I.

Before Burke, I couldn't imagine loving a little human as much as I do. It's intense. Incredible. And indescribable most days. And now, before Baby #2, I find myself unable to imagine loving two little humans and both equally as much. But, I have experience to rely on. I can look back nearly 19 months and remember how it felt to become a mother for the very first time. To lay eyes on that perfect little boy I carried for nearly 10 months. And I can know, based on this, that although I can't quite imagine it right now, it'll happen. My capacity to love will grow and I will have the privilege of loving two babies.

But Burke doesn't have this experience. He only knows life as it is now. As it's been for the past 18 months. And I don't have an experience yet for how a child will adjust to a new sibling. Maybe for Baby #3 these thoughts won't even course through my mind. But here and now, as we once again enter uncharted territory, they do.

Here I am, just 11 days away from my due date, and I am finally ready to have this baby. In fact, I went from not ready to get it out of me in a day, I'm fairly certain. But as soon as I wish this baby to be born, my heart gets distracted and wishes for things to stay as they are. For Burke's sake. Because he didn't ask for a sibling. And what if it's selfish of me?

And then my heart reassured me. He was born to love. And so now, whenever this baby comes, I am ready. And I know he will be too.

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