Monday, April 15, 2013

A Letter to My Second Born

Dear Violet,

First of all, let me say thank you. I couldn't do this life without you. From the moment you were born, it seems as though you naturally settled into the role of a second born child. You are pleasant, content. You are patient and happy. You rarely complain when I hastily lay you down to wrangle your rambunctious brother or when you are forced to wait a few minutes more for a belly full of milk because your brother has to go potty {or says he does even when he doesn't because he knows he'll get Mommy's attention}. And, Violet, I am so indebted to you for this. Being a mommy is never easy, but you have made it as easy as possible. And I am so thankful.

And now I'd like to say sorry. I'm sorry for all of the times that you might feel like you're second best. Or that you don't get my undivided attention. Or that your needs aren't my priority. I'm sorry for the times that you have to wait because your brother's needs are more pressing. I never want you to feel this way. And since I'm a first born child, I don't know how you might feel. But please know that I'm sorry if you ever feel second best. I assure you, Violet, that you are not. Not even close.

Because, Violet, the truth is that I love you more than you can imagine {until maybe one day if you have babies of your own}. And you know what, sweetheart? Without your brother, I wouldn't know how to love you so well. Your brother taught me to love beyond my wildest imagination. And when I thought it would be impossible to love another human as much as I loved your brother, the moment you were born, my heart grew even bigger. I love you as if you're my first born, my only child. I love you as my second born. I love you. And I always will.

And also, please don't feel as though you have to be like your brother or do what he does. You are perfect just as you are. Unique and perfect. You're brother is smart and I have no doubt that you will be smart too. But if you don't know what a cow says when you're only 8 months old or speak in sentences before you're 2, that's okay. I want you to know that we are not comparing you to him. We just enjoy watching you grow and learn and develop and blossom at your own pace. On your own schedule. As you see fit. And we look forward to celebrating every new stage with you whenever you get there. So please don't ever believe the lie that we're disappointed in you because you're not doing what he's doing. That's rubbish. You just keep doing what you're doing. We take such delight in watching you grow and love you more every moment of every day.

And finally, I just want to say that I'm better now. An expert--no. But your brother was our experiment, our trial-and-error child. And while I'm a pretty laid back person, as you'll come to learn, I realize {now that I have you} just how much more laid back I am the second time around. I always want to be a hands-on mom, darling. I never want to be sidelined from you or your activities. But I know that you need room to grow, explore and develop. And so if it ever seems as though I'm somehow not worried enough about you or involved enough in something you may be doing, please know that I am simply giving you the room you need to grow. To develop naturally and without me hovering over you dictating your next move.

I will mess up. I'll make mistakes for sure. Nothing in this life can ever be guaranteed--at least not those things involving the human heart, mind and soul. But in all that I do, I promise, Violet, that I love you. Unconditionally and incomprehensibly so.


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